It’s a Saturday and I’m at work. Sometimes this job just sucks. Today is a super sucky day.
Something happened last night and now the undead are strolling through town. Did I mention my office is on Ohio State campus? A bunch of undead college coeds. Great.
Huge windows adorn my first floor office looking out over the turn around driveway and parking lot which has now become an undead mixer. Since my office is locked on Saturdays and the zeds don’t have the coordination to use the key cards to get into the building, I believe I’m safe in here. The windows are heavily tinted like a ghetto-mobile making it even more difficult for them to see me. Two exits from the office provide me with escape routes if I need one should the unthinkable happen and they do get in.
They mill around with no purpose, like a crowd at the county fair. Bouncing off of a few parked vehicles, shambling after birds, and tripping over curbs, they move around the parking lot like slow moving tops that are about to fall.
The dog I found when I got the parking lot lies in the corner curled up in a ball asleep. She has that look on her face of contentment, happy with her little slice of the pie. I’d never seen a dog near the building in five years but evidently today was special. Of course I had no idea how special until I was already in here.
We have a kitchenette in the office with a full size fridge just full of frozen meals. That has been the lunch of choice around here since the economy tanked and we can’t really afford our eight dollar lunches anymore. My companion and I should be good for awhile as long as the power stays on.
**2 hrs Later**
Hildi, the dog, and I have continued watching them and there is still no rhyme or reason to their movements. Their numbers have increased somewhat but not to a great extent. I check the news on the Internet and it appears to be an isolated case here in town. No other parts of the world are reporting any outbreaks. Just good ole’ Columbus. Damn I hate this town. First the drivers and now the zombies.
About an hour ago we had the shit scared out of us. One of them just smashed into the window like a bird confused in the sunlight. You know how sometimes birds just keep flying into the same window over and over? He was doing this but kept trying to bite the glass like he could see us. Hildi let go with a loud bark that scared even more crap out of me. Finally Mr. Zombie decided he couldn’t get a grip on the glass with his few remaining teeth and moved on. Damn that was bad.
For lunch Hildi dined on a nice Salisbury Steak and I had General Tso’s chicken. This isn’t so bad since we have the electric. Supposedly the National Guard is moving around the area disposing of the undead but damn that’s going to be a lot of bodies to get rid of. I have a feeling OSU’s enrollment and graduation rates are going to drop quite a bit.
The Zombies seem to be moving closer and closer to the building but they aren’t really doing anything other than making me chuckle. One woman has been trying to chew on a car antennae for about an hour.
**6 hours later**
Note to self: When it gets dark outside you must turn of the lights on the other side of tinted glass. They know we are here. How do I know that? There are about seventy-five creepy crawlies outside my window trying to get to myself and Hildi. Where is that National Guard crew!
I’ve closed all the office doors because I’m afraid they will get in. I can hear the rhythmic pounding of a calfskin drum on my office window as the zeds try to break through. Sooner or later they will. I peaked down the hallway outside our offices and there is nothing out there. Not even the small mouse I see every so often.
The pounding is continuing to spread to the windows in the neighboring offices, sounding like a tribal dance of some sort. Maybe they’ll bring about the end of this mess instead of calling up some rain.
**1 hour later**
It sounded like a car accident. Crashing glass and objects moving with the force of a tornado. They’ve made it into one of the offices. Time for Hildi and I to make a break for it. Going to take the stairs. Don’t wanna get trapped in an elevator with no where to go. I’ve seen ‘Resident Evil’. Not going to happen to this guy. However the sprint up the stairs is going to kill me. What a time to quit smoking.
We’ve made it up to the roof and I can here those damn undead coeds coming up the stairs like a herd of water buffalo. This bites. There is no way down from up. Trapped like a rat about to be eaten alive. I can see vehicles moving in the distance but they won’t be here in time. Now the tornado sirens are going off. This town sucks. Now I’m going to die in it. Me and Hildi alone on the roof. She is just sitting there looking at me like I’m a loser.
In the distance I could hear it. The ceiling fan noise that means only one thing to me. A UH-1N. A Huey helicopter. Thank naval flight deck training. I caught sight of it whipping across the tree tops headed straight for us. The machine guns belching fire and dropping the undead in there spots. The aerial dragon hovered and turned this way and that, clearing the parking lot and the driveway. Finally it landed, disgorging troops from it’s belly onto the body part strewn ground. Over the loud speaker I heard what I choose to think was the voice of God saying ‘Stay right there. We are coming to get you’.
I hate working Saturdays. I really hate this town.